Well, the princess is recovering slowly, but surely. She is winging it and not taking the pain medication very much, which is great. She is still in much pain and sleeping a lot. She is looking pretty good.
We are laughers. That is also great, but not for the princess. She can't laugh yet. It makes her cry. So we have to limit our humor to one or two snickers and no belly laughing. Actually, the only time she has to take pain medication is when we are belly laughing. BIL and I have had to go into separate rooms or outside during meal time to laugh so the princess won't hear it. It is similar to withholding that uncontrollable giggly laughter at a funeral, or during sleepy-time in a room full of 10 other sleeping people, or during a sermon. That part has been difficult for her.
The pathologist finished the report on Monday, but is not releasing it until another opinion comes through. That has us curious. Is it benign and he wants to make sure because it is a freakishly large tumor? Or is it such an odd tumor and malignant and he needs a second opinion to confirm that? We don't know and it isn't feeling good. We have all remained positive since the kidney wasn't involved. But this new information and a couple other details regarding the size of the tumor has us all on edge. The princess is about to lose it and we are trying to keep her calm until the pathologist calls with the answer. He doesn't know if that will be tomorrow or in another week. Especially since the initial report took a week to generate.
Will update as news is available.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Saturday, August 16, 2008
At Last She Laughs
The princess laughed and joked around yesterday for the first time since her surgery. The fact that she has a great CNA with a fantastic sense of humor is really helping. Seems like the pain, though still ever present, has leveled out and is manageable with simply an epidural. The doctor wants to remove the epidural today and see how she does with either a bit of IV pain medication or oral. I hope all goes well.
The princess was walking last night for a few laps around the nurses station and was hopefully going to get her hair washed today - depending on if she could bend over. The incision and ribs are pretty sore, so I hope that works out. She would feel a little better. I know she is eager to come home in the next few days, but really needs to get the pain under control.
Still no visitors aside from hubby and sister. She isn't really up for chatting and has been sleeping and drifting the better part of every day. I guess hospitals aren't really for visitors, unless the patient has a broken leg or something of the like. Anyway, I'm sure after a few days at home, back here in the zoo, she will be eager for some visitors. Will update with any new news.
The princess was walking last night for a few laps around the nurses station and was hopefully going to get her hair washed today - depending on if she could bend over. The incision and ribs are pretty sore, so I hope that works out. She would feel a little better. I know she is eager to come home in the next few days, but really needs to get the pain under control.
Still no visitors aside from hubby and sister. She isn't really up for chatting and has been sleeping and drifting the better part of every day. I guess hospitals aren't really for visitors, unless the patient has a broken leg or something of the like. Anyway, I'm sure after a few days at home, back here in the zoo, she will be eager for some visitors. Will update with any new news.
Thursday, August 14, 2008
The Day After
Surgery went well. The doctor figured out it wasn't the kidney that had the tumor. There was no way to know the tumor was not in the kidney unless they went in and saw with their own eyes. All of the scans looked like the tumor was inside the kidney. Doctor got in her torso and touched the kidney tumor. It actually moved. He realized it was not IN the kidney, but had flattened the kidney like a pancake and taken on the shape of her kidney. It was on top of the kidney, but not attached. The adrenal gland had grown over the tumor, similar to a vine. The tumor is bigger than a softball or whiffle ball and was extremely hard/solid in certain areas and very soft and goopy in other areas. This renal doctor had to stop the surgery and call in an adrenal specialist. The adrenal specialist assisted with the rest of the surgery. He had never seen a tumor of this size, especially one that was not inside the adrenal gland.
The pathology reports will be in by, hopefully, Monday.
The princess is on massive pain-killers which don't seem to be working well. Her lungs are hurting and she isn't sleeping. Realizing that she is only 1.5 days out of surgery, I am confident she will reap the benefits of the pain-killers any moment now. I sure hope so. Her ribs are excruciatingly painful. I've never seen her in such agony. It is terrible to watch. I wish we could fast-forward a few days. Hopefully today she will have a different pain medication and will be more comfortable. She has to start walking today. Ugh. The nurses had her up in a chair yesterday two different times. I believe the pain was horrific while getting to the chair, but think it really helped her lungs and that pain once she was up.
I will take the children today if the princess is feeling up to a quick hand hold from them. Not much news to share other than the pain is unbearable. She has received about ten bunches of flowers and more to come, I'm sure. Her room smells so fresh - maybe that will help her too. She was given a roommate last night. A 14 year old girl with the tonsils taken out. At first I thought, "NO! The princess can't have a roomie - she needs peace and quiet." Now I'm wondering if I should have been thinking, "NO! That poor little girl doesn't need the princess as a roomie - she'll never be able to rest!" I'm sure the tonsil girl will be checked out today so the princess will have her own room again.
More updates when I have them.
The pathology reports will be in by, hopefully, Monday.
The princess is on massive pain-killers which don't seem to be working well. Her lungs are hurting and she isn't sleeping. Realizing that she is only 1.5 days out of surgery, I am confident she will reap the benefits of the pain-killers any moment now. I sure hope so. Her ribs are excruciatingly painful. I've never seen her in such agony. It is terrible to watch. I wish we could fast-forward a few days. Hopefully today she will have a different pain medication and will be more comfortable. She has to start walking today. Ugh. The nurses had her up in a chair yesterday two different times. I believe the pain was horrific while getting to the chair, but think it really helped her lungs and that pain once she was up.
I will take the children today if the princess is feeling up to a quick hand hold from them. Not much news to share other than the pain is unbearable. She has received about ten bunches of flowers and more to come, I'm sure. Her room smells so fresh - maybe that will help her too. She was given a roommate last night. A 14 year old girl with the tonsils taken out. At first I thought, "NO! The princess can't have a roomie - she needs peace and quiet." Now I'm wondering if I should have been thinking, "NO! That poor little girl doesn't need the princess as a roomie - she'll never be able to rest!" I'm sure the tonsil girl will be checked out today so the princess will have her own room again.
More updates when I have them.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
And So We Begin
Well, we made it! At last the anticipation of seeing the Princess face to face is over. We flew in yesterday early afternoon. Arriving at the airport, I willed myself not to lose it when I saw her. More for her sanity - I am supposed to be calming and centered. Her words, not mine. Walking down the long stretch, Mini Audrey and I see the kids all lined up by height, with the biggest smiles I've ever seen. I saw the Princess behind them, but decided instantly I would not look at her, or her biggest smile ever, until after we embraced. It had to be that way because I was gulping sobs whilst trying to keep my legs from turning my calming, centered walk into a full-fledged sprint. It worked.
After many hugs and hellos, and a warm, strong hug between sisters, we carried on. We dripped tears, but the strength of the hug seemed to quietly release the sobs that were forming in the deepest part of our bodies. However, with a clearer mind this morning, I think the sobs would have been okay. More a show of pure joy and relief at seeing each other than thoughts we don't really want to think about. Centered and calm. It worked.
We had a fun lunch and trip to the local Target with all the kiddos. The Target was more of a diversion than a necessity. Ahhh, great minds think alike! We laughed a ton, as always. I was glad to have the laughter because the children, who were so full of happiness to see us, know that we weren't really visiting as a "vacation." The youngest of the four, whom I will refer to as Gene Kelly, kept smiling and saying, "Aunt Contessa, I am so, so happy you and Mini Audrey are here, but sad because my mommy has to go stay at the hospital." My heart is so heavy for him. For all the family really, but he is so kind and loving that his words resonated inside of me, as we all felt the same way, he was young enough to say it without crying, in a matter-of-fact manner. Once home, we played family games, opened trinkets, and birthday gifts.
The Princess and I stayed up late so she could drink as much water as possible before her cut-off time. Of course, she awoke early this morning feeling like she slept with a salt-lick taped to her tongue all night. No coffee for her so a long shower had to be her "wake up" juice. Hmmm, maybe that's why she jumped at the chance to refill my coffee cup...it did seem about three sips lower.
During our late evening time together, we talked in more detail about what the doctors have been telling her. It sounds like the tumor is growing out of the top of her kidney, whereas I thought that large jar of peanut butter was growing inside the entire kidney. Not the case. This is interesting. I think maybe a piece of both of us decided this could end up being a good, benign thing. Of course, only the surgery will tell. We also ever so briefly touched on her thoughts for a second opinion on after-care. I begged her to come to City of Hope just for a look-see. I think she will do it, but I quickly realized her fear of the surgery was more important than discussing her follow-up plans at 12:30 the night before her surgery. Her mind seems clearer these last 48/72 hours so she is more peaceful and ready to make plans as soon as her recovery has made progress. She has lost at least 25 pounds, possibly more. She looks amazing and when I told her that very thing, she said she had the best diet in the world! The Kidney Cancer Diet. It's all the rage right now! She has a fabulouso sense of humor, thank God.
This morning I woke up at about 5:00 ranch time, 4:00 Snootyville time. Mini Audrey and I are sleeping in Melon's room. Her bed is facing a huge bay window that looks out across the farmland toward the East. Oh my gosh, at 5:00 a.m. that is a great place to be. As I opened my eyes and looked out these big windows I saw the silhouettes of pine trees in the foreground and the most beautiful pink and purple sunrise as far as my eyes could see. There were a few clouds dotting the horizon and this was truly the crack of dawn. It was spectacular. I thought about the Princess and what she must have been thinking at that moment. I hope she was thinking good thoughts and was still in the peaceful state of mind she was when I last saw her at bedtime. I decided this was a good way to start her day. A serene, beautiful beginning.
We are getting ready to head to the hospital. She is calm. BIL and the kiddos are sleeping. We will wake them as close to departure as possible. I hope she is able to maintain her peaceful manner until we get her hooked up to some sort of calming agent so kindly provided by the hospital staff. Her nerves are building up and coming to surface. The mind is a powerful thing. Her body is strong, her mind is at peace.
Happy 39th Birthday.
After many hugs and hellos, and a warm, strong hug between sisters, we carried on. We dripped tears, but the strength of the hug seemed to quietly release the sobs that were forming in the deepest part of our bodies. However, with a clearer mind this morning, I think the sobs would have been okay. More a show of pure joy and relief at seeing each other than thoughts we don't really want to think about. Centered and calm. It worked.
We had a fun lunch and trip to the local Target with all the kiddos. The Target was more of a diversion than a necessity. Ahhh, great minds think alike! We laughed a ton, as always. I was glad to have the laughter because the children, who were so full of happiness to see us, know that we weren't really visiting as a "vacation." The youngest of the four, whom I will refer to as Gene Kelly, kept smiling and saying, "Aunt Contessa, I am so, so happy you and Mini Audrey are here, but sad because my mommy has to go stay at the hospital." My heart is so heavy for him. For all the family really, but he is so kind and loving that his words resonated inside of me, as we all felt the same way, he was young enough to say it without crying, in a matter-of-fact manner. Once home, we played family games, opened trinkets, and birthday gifts.
The Princess and I stayed up late so she could drink as much water as possible before her cut-off time. Of course, she awoke early this morning feeling like she slept with a salt-lick taped to her tongue all night. No coffee for her so a long shower had to be her "wake up" juice. Hmmm, maybe that's why she jumped at the chance to refill my coffee cup...it did seem about three sips lower.
During our late evening time together, we talked in more detail about what the doctors have been telling her. It sounds like the tumor is growing out of the top of her kidney, whereas I thought that large jar of peanut butter was growing inside the entire kidney. Not the case. This is interesting. I think maybe a piece of both of us decided this could end up being a good, benign thing. Of course, only the surgery will tell. We also ever so briefly touched on her thoughts for a second opinion on after-care. I begged her to come to City of Hope just for a look-see. I think she will do it, but I quickly realized her fear of the surgery was more important than discussing her follow-up plans at 12:30 the night before her surgery. Her mind seems clearer these last 48/72 hours so she is more peaceful and ready to make plans as soon as her recovery has made progress. She has lost at least 25 pounds, possibly more. She looks amazing and when I told her that very thing, she said she had the best diet in the world! The Kidney Cancer Diet. It's all the rage right now! She has a fabulouso sense of humor, thank God.
This morning I woke up at about 5:00 ranch time, 4:00 Snootyville time. Mini Audrey and I are sleeping in Melon's room. Her bed is facing a huge bay window that looks out across the farmland toward the East. Oh my gosh, at 5:00 a.m. that is a great place to be. As I opened my eyes and looked out these big windows I saw the silhouettes of pine trees in the foreground and the most beautiful pink and purple sunrise as far as my eyes could see. There were a few clouds dotting the horizon and this was truly the crack of dawn. It was spectacular. I thought about the Princess and what she must have been thinking at that moment. I hope she was thinking good thoughts and was still in the peaceful state of mind she was when I last saw her at bedtime. I decided this was a good way to start her day. A serene, beautiful beginning.
We are getting ready to head to the hospital. She is calm. BIL and the kiddos are sleeping. We will wake them as close to departure as possible. I hope she is able to maintain her peaceful manner until we get her hooked up to some sort of calming agent so kindly provided by the hospital staff. Her nerves are building up and coming to surface. The mind is a powerful thing. Her body is strong, her mind is at peace.
Happy 39th Birthday.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
How it All Started
My sister had appendicitis about two weeks ago. In the process of removing the appendix, the doctors found a tumor on her kidney. The tumor is about 10x8 cm. Apparently that is massively huge since that is as large as her kidney. The doctors already know by looking at it that it is cancerous. How far it has spread, if at all, is still a mystery. The doctors believe it has been in her kidney for at least five years.
The last two weeks have been hellish. In a whirlwind of activity, my sister has had to recover from appendicitis surgery, absorb the fact that she has cancer, has no idea what the prognosis is, and has to have major surgery to remove the kidney and surrounding nodes and other accouterments that go with it.
I fly out of Snootyville tomorrow to join her, the kids, and BIL at "the ranch". I'll take care of the kiddos and help keep the house functioning while she is in the hospital and later at home, in bed. The details of the surgery are gruesome so I'll report later. I love her so very much. I want to try to keep track of her progress so as she is feeling better she can look back to read about how it was experienced by someone other than her; the emotions, feelings, an outside view of her situation. She is strong and we are very much believers in the power of positive thinking, laughter, love, and the connection we all have to the earth, universe, and some type of supreme force. This will be a rocky road for her, but I am confident the end result will be extremely favorable for her.
As the tumor is large, toxic, and aged like a good cheese, it needs to be removed ASAP. She will have the surgery on Tuesday. Her birthday. The beginning of her 39th year.
The last two weeks have been hellish. In a whirlwind of activity, my sister has had to recover from appendicitis surgery, absorb the fact that she has cancer, has no idea what the prognosis is, and has to have major surgery to remove the kidney and surrounding nodes and other accouterments that go with it.
I fly out of Snootyville tomorrow to join her, the kids, and BIL at "the ranch". I'll take care of the kiddos and help keep the house functioning while she is in the hospital and later at home, in bed. The details of the surgery are gruesome so I'll report later. I love her so very much. I want to try to keep track of her progress so as she is feeling better she can look back to read about how it was experienced by someone other than her; the emotions, feelings, an outside view of her situation. She is strong and we are very much believers in the power of positive thinking, laughter, love, and the connection we all have to the earth, universe, and some type of supreme force. This will be a rocky road for her, but I am confident the end result will be extremely favorable for her.
As the tumor is large, toxic, and aged like a good cheese, it needs to be removed ASAP. She will have the surgery on Tuesday. Her birthday. The beginning of her 39th year.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)